This is my diary:) Dedicated to Jeremy Crews... Cauz most of it is about him anyway lol:) I LOVE YOU BABY!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Black Hair:)
Baby Anne:)
Anne-Marie Crews ( Some day)
I hate when ppl talk trash about me. I like to party and i like to show the real me. If I could I wouldnt be shy, but I have to fallow my heart and realize if I wasnt shy I would be in alot of trouble lol:)
I have a few friends, and I have a loving family... Most of the time. When we are not fighting. I like being by myself. Chilling with friends. I mainly love being loved. I like to cuddle.
Jeremy & Anne Forever:)
He has made, my mom getting married easier. I can tell him anything, and he is there for me. Our relationship is strong. We fight some times, but who doesnt? He makes me laugh and he gets along great with my family. I LOVE HIM!
Kindell Elaine Cleveland BFFL:)
We practicly do everything together. She is my little advise keeper lol. She gives good advise most the time. honest, Smart. She is pretty too. Short lol:) I am a giant compared to her.
She is the "Every boy wants her" Type. All my exes have dated her. It sucks cauz... I thought there was a rule where your best friend cant date your exes.
I trust her, just not with guys. She ever takes Jeremy away from me. I am sorry but I will have to kill her lol:) Any way she is dating Jeremys use to be best friend. got in a huge fight.
Bryan Joel Gray:)
He is good in math. I am good in reading. He is funny, I am more... Shy and strict lol. I like to laugh. He is ferm. I mean we really dont even seem to be twins.
I love him tho. I mean we dont even act related. He is more mature at some times. I love to embarress him. Depantsing him at family dinners, telling his friends he wasnt potty trained till he was 9. I mean I love to embarress him. But I lov him.
He is the best brother I could ask for
Bryan, Jeff, and messed up life
Today my brother got up and gave me a hug. He left. I sat there and watched him walk out. It sucks being me. I hate when ppl walk out. Happens so many times. I guess it really doesnt hurt that much anymore. I am so use to it. I mean for along time I would lay in bed and cry. the pain was sooo... horrable. It hurt. But now when I cry, it doesnt hurt that bad.
Everyone asks my why I hate my dad. I never give an honest answer. I dont hate him for what he did. I forgave him for that. I hate him becuaz after that, everything changed. I was no longer a daddys little girl. Every girl wants to be daddys little girl. Then every summer when I went up there. things where never planned out. He was always so busy. I was always stuck cleaning his house. running arans. I mean why was i even going there. Then he had 2 wonderful kids. Jack and Gracie. That was the only reason I went there. Jeff started pushing church on me. Saying God would save everything.
He is the reason I dont like church. I refuse to go. When ppl talk about it. I get soo mad. I hate it. I wanted a family that would last. That was wat adoption was about. Instead I came from a druggy family, straight to a perverted, divorced, and remarried family. My life is messed up. The only good thing is meeting Jeremy.
I guess that is how my life was supose to be tho. Messed up. Confused. Alot of heart break. Its no fun. Mom says I try to hide stuff. Maybe I hide my real feelings, cauz I am afraid of letting everyone know the real me. Maybe nobody wouldl ike the real me. I am shy, but the only reason I am shy is becauz I want to find out wat everyone else is like. Also cauz I grew up hiding everything. Trying to make ppl love me. giving them everything they want, hoping that they will love me for me but knowing that is never gonna happen.
Everyone tries to figure me out. I am not something you can just figure out. I am a big puzzle with thousands of peices. It takes time to break me. I try to be strong. I break down, but I try not to let anyone see how weak I really am. If I did that. I would be gone.
Everyone asks my why I hate my dad. I never give an honest answer. I dont hate him for what he did. I forgave him for that. I hate him becuaz after that, everything changed. I was no longer a daddys little girl. Every girl wants to be daddys little girl. Then every summer when I went up there. things where never planned out. He was always so busy. I was always stuck cleaning his house. running arans. I mean why was i even going there. Then he had 2 wonderful kids. Jack and Gracie. That was the only reason I went there. Jeff started pushing church on me. Saying God would save everything.
He is the reason I dont like church. I refuse to go. When ppl talk about it. I get soo mad. I hate it. I wanted a family that would last. That was wat adoption was about. Instead I came from a druggy family, straight to a perverted, divorced, and remarried family. My life is messed up. The only good thing is meeting Jeremy.
I guess that is how my life was supose to be tho. Messed up. Confused. Alot of heart break. Its no fun. Mom says I try to hide stuff. Maybe I hide my real feelings, cauz I am afraid of letting everyone know the real me. Maybe nobody wouldl ike the real me. I am shy, but the only reason I am shy is becauz I want to find out wat everyone else is like. Also cauz I grew up hiding everything. Trying to make ppl love me. giving them everything they want, hoping that they will love me for me but knowing that is never gonna happen.
Everyone tries to figure me out. I am not something you can just figure out. I am a big puzzle with thousands of peices. It takes time to break me. I try to be strong. I break down, but I try not to let anyone see how weak I really am. If I did that. I would be gone.
Airplane,School, and relationships
Bryan left this smorning. I miss him really bad. I love my brother and I hate that he had to go to Indiana. I dont think he loves me. the brotherly sisterly Love has turned into hate... With a passion. He wont even say hi to me. Every now and then he will talk to me bout random things but I hate that he wants to move away. I dont know weather to fight to keep him with me, Considering he is the last blood relative I know, or just let him go and be on my own.
Its hard when you have nobody.School is gonna suck. I am so scared. I shouldnt be but it is so big. So many ppl. I mean how am I gonna find my classes? I have trouble making friends. My brother is my words. He is the funny and i am the... not so funny. I hate this. I wont have a cell phone so I wont be able to talk to any of my real friends. Jeremy is probably gonna leave me cauz I am gonna be so bussy with school I am not really gonna have time to talk to him. I hate the fact my parents moved me here.
Kindell likes her school. I bet she has millions of guys all over her. She is new and thats what every guy wants. The new and beautiful. I guess that is just her tho. I wonder if me and her will still be close... or if she will be 2 into her new friends. the only good thing about moving is my big room. green and black. Big... But alot of times i sit in it alone. Its my thinking spot. I hate when my siblings come and just walk in. My lock broke.
Jeremy is coming tomorrow. we are going shopping. Maybe we will find some really cute clothes. I can dress him up:) lol I want too lol. I wonder if he will let me. Like having my own barbie again lol. Exept he dresses himself. I pick the clothes lol. Like that is really gonna happen lol.
This year is gonna be tuff. Jeremy is gonna think we are drifting apart, when we really are not. Just school. No fon3. no friends. It is gonna be my hardest year. I actually found my true love, and I have to be so far away from him. I am gonna try to make this work. I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH. I just hope he really feels the same way.
Mom said that true love waits. If this year... We breakup and end up not talking or something... Well maybe we are not ment to be. Maybe he has someone prettier, perfect waiting for him. I hope that is not the case. I mean I know if me and him breakup. I am gonna be a walking dead doll. Literally. he is perfect for me. I need him, and he has always been the one for me. I will never leave him.
Mom said that i need to get my flirty face out. try to find a guy closer here. But seriously. Walking down the hall yesterday... All them boys were ugly. I mean so... imature. Not my type. I am lucky to have a sexy man, who loves me back. I dont need or want to look for another guy. Plus I made a promise. NO GUYS. Cant talk to them. I mean if he talks to me then I will talk back. not gonna be rude. But if he gets a little 2 friendly. I will get the bitch out. There will be some ass whopping. lol
Its hard when you have nobody.School is gonna suck. I am so scared. I shouldnt be but it is so big. So many ppl. I mean how am I gonna find my classes? I have trouble making friends. My brother is my words. He is the funny and i am the... not so funny. I hate this. I wont have a cell phone so I wont be able to talk to any of my real friends. Jeremy is probably gonna leave me cauz I am gonna be so bussy with school I am not really gonna have time to talk to him. I hate the fact my parents moved me here.
Kindell likes her school. I bet she has millions of guys all over her. She is new and thats what every guy wants. The new and beautiful. I guess that is just her tho. I wonder if me and her will still be close... or if she will be 2 into her new friends. the only good thing about moving is my big room. green and black. Big... But alot of times i sit in it alone. Its my thinking spot. I hate when my siblings come and just walk in. My lock broke.
Jeremy is coming tomorrow. we are going shopping. Maybe we will find some really cute clothes. I can dress him up:) lol I want too lol. I wonder if he will let me. Like having my own barbie again lol. Exept he dresses himself. I pick the clothes lol. Like that is really gonna happen lol.
This year is gonna be tuff. Jeremy is gonna think we are drifting apart, when we really are not. Just school. No fon3. no friends. It is gonna be my hardest year. I actually found my true love, and I have to be so far away from him. I am gonna try to make this work. I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH. I just hope he really feels the same way.
Mom said that true love waits. If this year... We breakup and end up not talking or something... Well maybe we are not ment to be. Maybe he has someone prettier, perfect waiting for him. I hope that is not the case. I mean I know if me and him breakup. I am gonna be a walking dead doll. Literally. he is perfect for me. I need him, and he has always been the one for me. I will never leave him.
Mom said that i need to get my flirty face out. try to find a guy closer here. But seriously. Walking down the hall yesterday... All them boys were ugly. I mean so... imature. Not my type. I am lucky to have a sexy man, who loves me back. I dont need or want to look for another guy. Plus I made a promise. NO GUYS. Cant talk to them. I mean if he talks to me then I will talk back. not gonna be rude. But if he gets a little 2 friendly. I will get the bitch out. There will be some ass whopping. lol
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